I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
