My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
