He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
