I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
