Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
