He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
