You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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