so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You made out with two different species that night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
