Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
