My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
