I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
