If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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