Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
