His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
