Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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