is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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