Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
