tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
porn star boner night. come get it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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