so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
