I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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