I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
