Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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