Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dont even know how to be here
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
