I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
