Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
