first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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