I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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