I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
