Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
