I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
