It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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