Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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