ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
