her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
