I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
