I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
