And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
