he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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