hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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