do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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