who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize