I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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