yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
