I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
