why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They took my balls.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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