Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
