he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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