69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
