I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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