Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
