My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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