So drunk its hurt
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
