Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize