I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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