Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize