Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
