I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
