I hate your face
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
