i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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