how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
