He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
