i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
