Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dick very happy bro
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
