Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
