Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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