I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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