You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
