new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
